Benjamin Schwartz’s doctor is conducting a back-alley transaction. While checking to make sure there are no witnesses, he hands a picture of the coronavirus to a hitman. The doctor is speaking.
I first made several references to former President Trump’s ridiculous comments about Covid-19 (e.g., “It’s going to disappear. One day, it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.”).
- “Make it disappear.”
- “Make it look like a miracle.”
- “Use very powerful light. If that doesn’t work, use bleach.”
I then alluded to one of the recommended practices for avoiding the virus: “You’ll need to get your hands dirty and then wash them for at least 20 seconds.”
Finally, I noted that the first dose of the Pfizer vaccine prevents Covid only 52% of the time, while the second shot increases that effectiveness to 95%: “Two shots.”
Now let’s see how you did:
In these three entries, the doctor is trying to make sure he’s approaching the right man for the job:
- “They told me you can make things disappear.”
- “I hear you make things disappear.”
- “Can you make it disappear?”
But in these captions he’s as blunt as any gangster:
- “Just make him disappear.”
- “Make it go away.”
- “Wipe him out.”
- “Flatten it.”
I’m not sure why entries 1 and 3 refer to the virus as “him.” They should use the word “it.”
In this entry the doctor is not just ordering a hit but explaining how it should be carried out: “Do it quick and clean and in accordance with CDC guidelines.”
A couple of you suggested that the doctor wants credit for the eradication of the virus:
- “Make it look like my vaccine did it.”
- “Make it look like I did it.”
But in this entry he wants another physician to get the credit: “Make it look like Fauci did it.”
Here’s a clever allusion to the process of identifying individuals who may have come into contact with an infected person: “Make sure nobody can trace it back to you.”
Here’s a reference to one of the many ignorant comments Trump made about the virus: “Make it disappear, like a miracle.”
And here are several entries noting that vaccines against the virus may have to be administered more than once:
- “It may take more than one shot.”
- “This one may require two shots.”
- “I want him shot. Then, 21 days later, shoot him again.”
- “You get one shot. Maybe two.”
This entry notes that even the best vaccines work only 95% of the time: “They say you’re 100% effective.”
A few of you referred to the frightening new versions of the Covid-19 virus:
- “There’s an extra 10 G’s if you also get the variant.”
- “He may be disguised as a variant.”
Here are a few entries that address just how contagious the virus is:
- “So it’s a deal. We’ll shake on it later.”
- “Just make sure this doesn’t get back to me.”
- “Keep it to yourself.”
During the pandemic, we’ve received many jokes about the need to cover one’s face, and this week was no exception. The best two were:
- “You’ll be less conspicuous with a mask.”
- “And remember to use an N95, not a ski mask.”
Though I highlighted relatively few captions this week (just twenty-five), I had a hard time selecting the winner because I thought many of the highlighted entries were really strong. The top honor goes to, “Make it look like Fauci did it.”
ENTER THIS WEEK’S CAPTION CONTEST
Lawrence Wood has won The New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest a record-setting seven times and been a finalist four other times. He has collaborated with New Yorker cartoonists Peter Kuper, Lila Ash, Felipe Galindo Gomez, and Harry Bliss (until Bliss tossed him aside, as anyone would, to collaborate with Steve Martin). Nine of his collaborations have appeared in The New Yorker, and one is included in the New Yorker Encyclopedia of Cartoons.