In Dave Borchart’s cartoon, two men, stranded in a lifeboat, are staring at a trombone lying between them. The man with his arms crossed is speaking.
Many people, myself included, wish they could play an instrument but never thought they had enough time to learn—an excuse that’s no longer available to the men in the boat:
- “I always wanted to learn, but who has the time?”
- “I always wanted to learn but never had the time.”
- “And now I have the time but not the inclination.”
In my next caption, the man knows how to play but can’t because the conditions aren’t conducive to performing: “My lips are so dry I can’t get the right embouchure.”
I then had the man explaining why he would ever bring a trombone on a lifeboat: “At the time, it seemed important.”
In my last caption, the trombone belonged to a third passenger: “I don’t know. After killing and eating him, throwing his trombone in the ocean just seems mean.”
Now let’s see how you did.
These three entries (two of which are almost identical to one of mine) allude to the fact that the man in the boat now has more than enough time to master the trombone:
- “You know how you get so busy you never have time to practice?”
- “I think you’ve run out of excuses for not practicing.”
- “I always wanted to learn to play, but never had the time.”
- “I always wanted to learn, but I’ve never had the time.”
Like I did, many of you imagined that the trombone belonged to a third and recently deceased passenger:
- “I warned him not to play it.”
- “We warned him.”
- “I’m sorry; he just wouldn’t stop playing.”
- “He wasn’t that bad.”
- “He was too improvisational.”
While all five of those captions assume the third passenger was murdered by the other two, the next two entries assume that he either committed suicide or fell overboard by accident:
- “I didn’t think he’d take our criticism so seriously.”
- “I warned him not to stand up when he played.”
Here the passenger is criticizing, in a fairly dry and understated way, his companion’s decision to exchange truly necessary items for something completely useless: “What else did you get for the outboard and paddles?”
While in this next set of entries the passenger is defending his decision to bring the trombone:
- “But what kind of life is it without art?”
- “Sorry! I just didn’t think a flare gun would pass the time as well.”
- “So what do you want to do to pass the time?”
- “It seemed important at the time.”
I have a special affinity for #4 because it’s so close to one of my own captions.
In the next three entries the passenger’s trying to make the best of a bad situation:
- “Could be worse. Could be a banjo.”
- “Thank God you don’t play piano.”
- “I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with…’T’”
Many of recognized that a trombone, which could never be considered a necessity, is especially useless when no one knows how to play it:
- “Do you play?”
- “I thought you played.”
- “I hope you’re not thinking of taking it up.”
- “I thought you played the trombone.”
- “Please tell me you know how to play that thing.”
- “And you don’t even play!”
In the next set of entries, one of the passengers actually does know how to play:
- “I don’t care if you have perfect pitch.”
- “I guess the other passengers didn’t appreciate our act.”
- “I’m not going to teach you until we agree on the fee.”
- “I’m still not good enough to play it in front of you.”
- “I’m not playing until you apologize.”
- “Any final requests?”
- “My parents warned me I’d starve as a musician.”
- “I’d give anything for some sheet music.”
Here are this week’s best sick jokes:
- “So, turns out there was room for both the trombone and your wife.”
- “Guess what is edible?”
- “We should have thrown his trombone overboard and eaten him.”
All three captions would be better if the following words were italicized:
- and
- is
- him
I don’t usually encourage entrants to italicize words because italics can (like an exclamation point) make a joke too heavy-handed, but sometimes italics make the caption punchier and more effective.
Finally, we have a fine example of a caption that works because it makes the speaker completely oblivious: “If only we had some way to get their attention.”
As always, there were many strong entries, but this week’s best is, “I’d give anything for some sheet music.”