Bob Eckstein’s cartoon is set at a cocktail party, where a large, anthropomorphic red and white pill is holding a glass of wine and chatting with three other guests.
Because many medications interact poorly with alcohol, I first had the pill explaining why he could have a cocktail: “You can’t drink if you’re on medication, but it’s fine if you are medication.”
I then focused on the fact that medications have both a convoluted generic name (e.g., dextroamphetamine sulfate) and a much simpler brand name (e.g., Adderall); “Bob, Joan, and Ted? What, are those your brand names?”
I then played on the double meaning of generic:
- “I may be generic, but with a little alcohol I’m pretty unpredictable.”
- “I’m generic, but I’m hardly dull.”
I then alluded to the pill’s size:
- “You may find this tough to swallow.”
- “You may find me hard to take.”
Finally, a sexist pun: “She got everything in the divorce so, yeah, I’m bitter.”
Now let’s see how you did.
There were, as expected, many entries that alluded to the prohibition against washing down medications with alcohol. These were the best:
- “You really shouldn’t be drinking alcohol with me.”
- “I don’t advise drinking alcohol with me.”
- “As a matter of fact, I do mix well with alcohol.”
- “Who says I don’t mix with alcohol?”
- “It’s okay if I drink alcohol, I’m a placebo.”
That last caption would work better if the comma were a period, just as this entry would, I think, be better if the ellipses were a question mark and the exclamation point were a period: “Don’t believe me…ask your pharmacist!” This entry highlights the importance of proper punctuation, properly placed: “You should take me. Seriously.”
Many entries focused on the size of the pill:
- “You may find this difficult to swallow.”
- “Some people find me hard to swallow.”
- “Most people find me hard to take.”
- “I can be a little hard to take.”
These next two entries are similar but focus not so much on size as on dosage:
- “I’ve been told that people can only take me in small doses.”
- “One can only take so much of me.”
This next entry notes that prescription drugs are cheaper in Canada, where the national colors are red and white (just like the talking pill) and the people are perceived to be extremely polite: “We Canadians are twice as nice at half the price.”
Like I did, a few of you noted how convoluted the generic names f0r drugs can be:
- “I’d tell you my name, but I can’t pronounce it.”
- “No, I didn’t mention my name. I can’t pronounce it.”
I like this joke—“Take my wife…daily!”—but it would work better in a different setting, like a comedy club.
This entry notes that people take drugs for many different reasons: “What do you take me for?”
Some are fighting drowsiness: “Remember, we used to stay up late and study?”
Others are trying to lose weight: “I’m way better than diet and exercise.”
And many just want to get high:
- “I love parties. I’m a party drug.”
- “Who’s really ready to party?”
- “Let’s get this party started.”
Of course, some people don’t like to admit how much they rely on medications: “Don’t act like you don’t know me. There’s thirty of us back at your place.”
This next set of captions all focus on a medication’s side effects:
- “I might help. Then again, I might make your penis fall off.”
- “I know you don’t remember me; no one ever does.”
- “I must warn you…”
- “…and in rare cases, death.”
Here’s a good joke about the pandemic’s economic effects: “I got your stimulus package right here!”
I made a “bitter pill” joke, but it wasn’t nearly as strong as these three entries:
- “The FDA rejected me, but I’m not bitter.”
- “I’m not bitter.”
- “Damn right I’m bitter.”
These next three captions presume that the talking pill is Hydroxychloroquine:
- “Then, believe it or not, I was invited to the White House!”
- “Actually, the pandemic was good for business.”
- “I’m in the president’s cabinet.”
I love that last caption, but the “p” in president should be capitalized.
Here’s this week’s best sex joke: “I quietly help millions, but that macho little blue pill gets all the attention.”
Here are the best scatological jokes:
- “I’m actually a suppository.”
- “Relax, I’m not a suppository.”
- “Thanks, but the suppositories are the real heroes.”
- “And that is how I learned I was a suppository.”
And here are the best puns:
- “That reminds me of an amusing antidote.”
- “Here’s the capsule version.”
- “Invited? I was prescribed!”
- “I hope I didn’t come on too strong.”
- “I feel like everyone’s trying to label me.”
Speaking of those last three categories, one of you really hates what you perceive as my weakness for sex jokes, scatological humor and wordplay. “Assity ass ass poop titty, random insult to minority target, pun. Now do you love me, Larry? Let me know.” I didn’t highlight any entries that insult minority targets this week—no Jewish jokes—but that’s only because I didn’t see any that were funny.
Congratulations to Bob Eckstein, whose drawing elicited a record-setting number (forty-six) of strong entries. Congratulations also to whomever submitted this week’s winner: “Relax, I’m not a suppository.” Assity ass ass poop…