In this cartoon, Gahan Wilson drew a doctor who’s addressing a patient covered in mushrooms.
Because a mushroom is a fungus, and a fungal infection is a medical condition, I came up with these captions:
- “I’m prescribing an antifungal medication.”
- “It appears to have spread from your toenail.”
- “It’s a fungal infection.”
My last caption addresses one frame of reference (medicine) while ignoring the other (mushrooms), so it could never be the winning entry: “Any side effects?”
Now let’s see how you did:
When the character who’s speaking is, like a doctor, supposed to be smart and perceptive, highlighting that character’s obliviousness is a good way to come up with a great caption:
- “It appears to be a mild fungal infection.”
- “I’m guessing it’s some type of fungus.”
- “I haven’t ruled out a fungal infection.”
- “What seems to be the problem?”
- “So, what’s the problem?”
Like the last five captions, the following entry highlights the doctor’s obliviousness—“Have you noticed any side effects from the medication?”—but buries the punchline, which is “side effects.” This entry puts the punchline at the end, where it belongs: “Did I mention there might be side effects?”
Here are the week’s best puns:
- “So, I see they’ve been keeping you in the dark.”
- “I’m afraid we may need to marinate.”
- “Your condition is mushrooming.”
- “Let’s start with a stool sample.”
Here’s the best sex joke: “Of course, you’ll need to notify your partners.”
And here’s the best insurance joke: “Are you sure you’re fully covered?”
This caption has the doctor speculating about the cause of the problem: “Does it get worse when it rains?”
While these entries have him suggesting a cure:
- “Have you considered moving out of the basement?”
- “I would suggest moving to a drier climate.”
- “Have you considered Arizona?”
- “Have you tried antifungal cream?”
- “Try using a dehumidifier.”
- “Use less moisturizer.”
- “Stay out of the shade.”
Here’s a good example of taking a common phrase and giving it a different and fitting meaning in the context of the drawing: “You are what you eat.”
Like I did, a couple of you suggested that the patient’s problem started small:
- “It appears your foot fungus has spread.”
- “You have stage four toenail fungus.”
Several of you noted that mushrooms are not only edible but a delicacy:
- “At eleven dollars a pound, I’m not sure a cure is in your best interest.”
- “My wife and I would like to have you for dinner.”
- “I’m going to refer you to the farmer’s market.”
- “I’m prescribing a simple reduction sauce.”
- “Let me give you the name of a Four Star Chef.”
- “I’m referring you to a chef.”
Some people, of course, eat mushrooms for another reason: “I know why you’re hallucinating.”
And some mushrooms should never be eaten: “Don’t worry, they aren’t the poisonous kind.”
This entry draws a connection between mold and an important antibiotic: “Penicillin does come in a pill form.”
Finally, here’s an entry that works because it’s so unexpected: “You’re certainly much improved since last week.”
This week’s winner is “Stay out of the shade.”
Lawrence Wood has won The New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest a record-setting seven times and been a finalist four other times. He has collaborated with New Yorker cartoonists Peter Kuper, Lila Ash, Felipe Galindo Gomez, and Harry Bliss (until Bliss tossed him aside, as anyone would, to collaborate with Steve Martin). Nine of his collaborations have appeared in The New Yorker, and one is included in The New Yorker Encyclopedia of Cartoons.