Jon Adams has drawn a support group for movie monsters: King Kong, the 50-Foot Woman (whom many of you thought was Jane from the Tarzan pictures), Godzilla, and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters. Godzilla is smoking and talking, perhaps to the whole group or maybe just to the woman.
Let’s start with Adams’ original caption—“It’s not the bullets or missiles that hurt—it’s the verbal attacks.”—which focuses on a shared grievance. Many of you took essentially the same approach but identified different complaints or concerns:
- “We’re still big. It’s the pictures that have gotten small.”
- “Action pays the bills, but I’d love a good rom-com.”
- “Don’t you think we’re entitled to our outsized anger?”
- “Do you ever feel people overreacting to you?”
- “Apparently no one is too big to fail.”
- “Can you believe they’re making us audition?”
- “I can’t believe we still have to audition.”
I know those last two entries are the exact same joke, but they’re phrased differently and I like them both.
The fifth caption is especially good because it not only addresses the characters’ size but is consistent with their expressions: King King looks defeated, the 50-Foot Woman seems thoughtful and sad, Godzilla is angry, and the Marshmallow Man looks worried.
I don’t usually like puns, but there were several good ones that addressed a well-known type of recovery program:
- “For step 9, I set up a Go Fund me to rebuild Tokyo.”
- “The first step is admitting we hurt a lot of people.”
- “I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps.”
- “For us the program is just one step.”
The next two captions address recovery programs without mentioning the 12-step process:
- “My name is Godzilla, and I’m an alcoholic.”
- “And how, exactly, are we supposed to be anonymous?”
Here’s one more entry that challenges my general distaste for puns: “I’ll quit after one more Manhattan.”
And here’s the month’s best sex joke, which suggests that Godzilla is directly addressing the 50-Foot Woman: “The next time we’ll hire an intimacy coordinator.” I really like the way that caption accounts for the woman’s defensive posture—legs and arms crossed—but I’d like it even better without the first word, which is unnecessary.
The following entry also suggests Godzilla is addressing the woman, but it buries the punchline and has an entire clause that doesn’t belong as well as an unnecessary exclamation point: “Honey, we’re all 50 feet tall – get over yourself!” It would be so much better as, “Honey, we’re all 50 feet tall.” Less is usually more, and shouting never makes a joke funnier.
This entry not only has Godzilla addressing the 50-Foot Woman, but suggests that she’s dating King Kong: “It’s none of my business…but maybe you two should’ve dated longer before moving in together.” Like the “too big to fail” caption, it matches each character’s expression perfectly.
These next two captions focus on a seemingly inconsequential detail—the cigarette—but are all the better for it:
- “I crush Tokyo, no one says a word. But I light one Marlboro, I’m a monster?
- “It’s time we stunted our growth.”
These next entries all allude to the Godzilla movies, which makes sense since he’s speaking:
- “I’m here to support you, but we’ll probably fight in an upcoming movie.”
- “Why does everyone always think I’m versus them?”
- “CGI? We wore latex, and we were glad to have it.”
- “What happens in Tokyo, stays in Tokyo.”
This caption made me laugh out loud, in part because it’s kind of dark, like a Charles Addams or Gahan Wilson joke: “Who wants a s’more?” It works because it addresses Godzilla’s ability to breathe fire, the presence of the Marshmallow Man, and the group setting, but it really has nothing to do with support groups so it’s not anything Jon Adams would have thought of while drawing this cartoon. It’s the kind of caption one would see only in the contest.
As usual, I will end with a few strong entries that don’t fit neatly into any category:
- You know what’s really scary? Governmental inflationary spending that puts upward pressure on wages.
- In my day, we destroyed cities. Now you have to be an influencer.
- We must learn not to step on people to get ahead.
This week’s winner is, “I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps.” by Vincent Coca.
The five runners-up, in no particular order, are:
- “It’s none of my business…but maybe you two should’ve dated longer before moving in together.”
- “I crush Tokyo, no one says a word. But I light one Marlboro, I’m a monster?”
- “We’re still big. It’s the pictures that have gotten small.”
- “I can’t believe we still have to audition.”
- “I’ll quit after one more Manhattan.”