“Hunting Suits” Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood

Kamraan Hafeez’s two hunters are in a duck blind. They’re by the side of a pond where a few mallards are floating next to a man in a suit who’s sitting in an inner tube with a briefcase in his lap. One hunter is saying something to the other.

I have never seen “Duck Dynasty”—the wildly popular reality-TV series about a family of duck hunters—but I’ve heard about it. That show served as the inspiration for this caption: “You can’t have the highest-rated nonfiction cable series in history without suits.”

I then assumed men in suits are the intended prey:

1. “He’s just a decoy. When the other suits show up, open fire.”
2. “Lawyers are always in-season.”
3. “Lawyers are never off-season.”

Here’s a final lawyer joke that’s not so dark: “We used to get fined for hunting off-season. Now we get sued.”

Now let’s see how you did.

There were so many lawyer jokes that I had to break them up into sub-categories.

Some (like mine) suggested there’s a time of year during which it’s legal to hunt attorneys:

1. “Lawyers are always in season.”
2. “Is he in season?”
3. “I think we’re going to need a different permit.”
4. “The one year I don’t get a permit!”
5. “Any limit on tax attorneys?”

A similar set of captions focused on the way duck hunters attract their prey:

1. “Your duck call sounds too much like an ambulance siren.”
2. “Hand me the ambulance siren call.”

The following entries all make clear exactly who the target is:

1. “Be careful you don’t hit a duck.”
2. “Careful, you might hit the ducks.”
3. “Make sure you don’t hit the ducks.”
4. “But you might hit a duck.”
5. “The ducks are blocking my shot.”

A couple of you made a reference to a famous line from Henry VI, Part 2, Act IV, Scene 2: “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

1. “The first thing we do…no, wait, that will scare away the ducks.”
2. “What would Shakespeare do?”

Here’s a good joke – “Damn! They got a lawyer!” – that has two unnecessary exclamation points. Fortunately, there were some understated and therefore funnier alternatives:

1. “Damn, they hired a lawyer.”
2. “Damn, they’ve got a lawyer.”
3. “Damn. They lawyered up.”
4. “Damn, they lawyered up.”

In this next set of captions, the hunters are cowed by the prospect of litigation:

1. “Those ducks look litigious.”
2. “Ducks are very litigious.”
3. “Do you think they would really sue?”

Here are this week’s best lawyer-related puns:

1. “If it makes a motion, shoot it.”
2. “Now’s your chance to blow a hole in his case.”
3. “Pond scum.”

That third entry scores extra points for being so concise.

Here’s a nice shot at legalese: “What does cease and desist mean?”

The first lawyer joke I ever heard – “Why don’t sharks eat lawyers? Professional courtesy.” – may have been the inspiration for this entry: “I guess he got tired of swimming with the sharks.”

Speaking of sharks, here’s a clever reference to one of the most famous lines from “Jaws:” “We’re gonna need a bigger dog.”

And here’s an entry that serves as a fitting conclusion to this part of the commentary: “Enough with the lawyer jokes – let’s hunt.”

Many of you assumed the suit is not a lawyer but an accountant:

1. “Must be tax season.”
2. “Is it tax season already?”
3. “We can’t bag that one until tax season.”
4. “Accountants don’t have a mating call.”

This next entry is close to that last caption, but not specific to accountants: “…and some of them never mate at all.”

Here’s a good pun that didn’t fit in the section on lawyer jokes: “The sitting one’s mine.”

And here are six captions that don’t fit in a specific category:

1. “How many does he count against our limit?”
2. “You don’t often see one in the wild.”
3. “The big one means business.”
4. “Damn, wildlife management.”
5. “I think it’s a Baldheaded North American Middle Manager.”
6. “I think the boss knows we ain’t sick.”

Another strong showing. Out of more than 900 entries received, forty-one deserved special recognition. (Less than 5% may not sound like a lot, but in the context of the caption contest it’s impressive). This week’s winner is, “The ducks are blocking my shot.”

ENTER THIS WEEK’S CAPTION CONTEST

Lawrence Wood has won The New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest a record-setting seven times and been a finalist two other times. He has collaborated with New Yorker cartoonists Peter Kuper, Lila Ash, Felipe Galindo Gomez, and Harry Bliss (until Bliss tossed him aside, as anyone would, to collaborate with Steve Martin). Nine of his collaborations have appeared in The New Yorker, and one is included in the New Yorker Encyclopedia of Cartoons.