In P.C. Vey’s drawing—which is bizarre even by his standards—a man is walking his dog near a fire-hydrant with legs. The fire hydrant is on the move, and man is talking.
I first had the man suggesting to the dog an easier alternative to the moving hydrant: “Let’s look for a nice, stationary tree.”
I next had him cautioning the dog against peeing on a hydrant that could respond in kind: “Careful. He might spray back.”
A dog that urinates on a hydrant is “doing its business,” and the hydrant appears to be wearing a business suit, so my final caption is, “Don’t. It’s dressed for an entirely different kind of business.”
Now let’s see how you did.
Here’s a concise improvement on my “stationary tree” caption: “Let’s settle for a tree.”
In the next set of captions, the man is encouraging his dog to accept the challenge of a moving target:
- “But if it’s stationary, where’s the challenge?”
- “Aim just ahead of where he is walking.”
- “Bet you can’t hit a moving target.”
The next five entries are all similar to but better than my “spray back” caption:
- “Be careful. He may return the favor.”
- “Don’t. He might reciprocate.”
- “Easy. He gives back what he received ten-fold.”
- “Trust me. You don’t know the meaning of pressure.”
- “Let’s avoid a pissing contest.”
Pissing jokes might seem crude for a contest created by the former cartoon editor of The New Yorker. Vey’s drawing, however, almost demands them, and some of this week’s best entries depend entirely on the word “pissed:”
- “Looks like you pissed it off.”
- “You really pissed him off.”
- “He looks pissed.”
A couple of you made less vulgar peeing jokes:
- “He’s no longer a peon.”
- “He’s looking out for number one.”
That first caption is a pun—a decent pun, but still a pun. The second caption is more interesting—a common phrase that takes on a different and unexpected yet fitting meaning in the context of the cartoon. I like it.
By focusing on the multiple meanings of the term “to go,” the next two entries cleverly address everything that’s happening in the cartoon:
- “Looks like he has to go worse than you, boy.”
- “It has to go, too.”
Running water jokes would, in the context of this drawing, seem far too obvious, but I wasn’t clever enough to think of any so here are a few of the best:
- “You know, I thought I heard the sound of running water.”
- “Running water always makes me have to pee.”
- “Looks like someone left the water running.”
These next two entries explain why the hydrant is running:
- “Relax. It’s a porta-potty.”
- “Well, you can’t really blame him.”
I like the way that last caption has the man empathizing with the fire hydrant.
This next entry focuses on the prohibition against parking near a fire hydrant: “Good boy. Now we’re parked legally.”
Why does the fire hydrant have legs? I couldn’t think of an answer, but I’m the idiot who missed the “running water” joke. Some of you came up with a reason that’s especially fitting this time of year:
- “That boy picked the wrong Halloween costume.”
- “Down boy. That’s a Halloween costume.”
There were a lot of Halloween costume entries—the two highlighted above are just the best of a large group—but I didn’t think any kid would actually dress up as a fire hydrant. I was wrong. A quick Google search confirmed that a fire hydrant is actually one of the more popular costumes.
Well done. You came up with far more solid captions than I, and the best two are:
- “That boy picked the wrong Halloween costume.”
- “It has to go, too.”
Of course, there can be only one winner, and I’m choosing, “It has to go, too.”