This week’s drawing is heaven-set. (I know, I know—and I claim to dislike puns.) An angel with two halos is addressing an angel with just one. In the background are five more angels, each of whom has two halos. None of the angels has wings.
I first assumed the angels with two halos would feel superior:
- “Well, we’re holier than thou.”
- “You were good, but we were great.”
- “We were twice as nice.”
- “Not everyone is equal in His eyes.”
I then tried to explain the absence of wings with a reference to It’s A Wonderful Life: “Not any more. Now, when a bell rings we just get another halo.”
Finally, a concise caption: “New here?”
Now let’s see how you did.
Among the many entries highlighting the angels’ superiority complexes, I really liked this reference to an expression that Abraham Lincoln popularized, but did not coin, in his first inaugural address: “That’s right. We’re the better angels.” I’d like it even more, however, without the first two words, which are unnecessary. This next entry is longer than my very similar caption, but the extra words make it better: “If you heard everyone was equal in the eyes of the Lord, well, you heard wrong.” Here are the rest of the best in this category:
- “We are holier than thou.”
- “We’re all holier than thou.”
- “You’re good, but you’re not quite good enough.”
- “You must have been good. We were great.”
- “Sure, you were good. Just not that good.”
I know just enough about computers and smart phones to appreciate these tech-related entries:
- “It’s not a rule but everything in the cloud should be backed-up…”
- “It really improves the wifi.”
- “You need to download version 2.0.”
- “To be honest, the reception isn’t that much better…”
This entry—“We were doubly blessed”—reminds me of one of my guiltiest pleasures: Meatloaf’s 1978 hit, Paradise by the Dashboard Light, which contains this ridiculous but enjoyable rhyme:
Ain’t no doubt about it
We were doubly blessed
‘Cause we were barely seventeen and we were barely dressed
(Admitting that I’ve always liked that song—I was sixteen when it came out—has, I’m sure, destroyed whatever credibility I gained a couple weeks ago by mentioning how much I love The Clash.)
Since I just brought up Meatloaf’s musical tribute to teenage lust, I may as well take this opportunity to highlight the week’s best and most juvenile sex joke: “Come back when you’ve grown a pair.” I also like, “Hey, buddy, my eyes are down here!” The exclamation point, however, is unnecessary.
These entries presume that the angels with twice as many halos lived particularly righteous lives, especially compared to the angel with just a single halo:
- “We used to teach middle school.”
- “We sorted our recyclables.”
- “You didn’t wear a mask.”
- “Maybe if you had protested.”
- “15%? We all tipped 20%.”
- “Well, did you follow the 20 Commandments?”
I’d like that last caption more if the number were spelled out.
This entry connects the single halo to the angel’s religion: “Unitarian?”
Whereas these entries connect it to the angel’s marital status:
- “How long have you been single?”
- “Sorry, this group isn’t for singles.”
- “I see you’re still single.”
- “Ah, to be single again.”
- “Your mother was right—you’ll be eternally single.”
I love that last joke, but it could be even stronger. Mothers who worry about their unmarried children don’t use the phrase “eternally single.” A better version of the caption might therefore be, “Your mother was right—you’ll be single forever.”
I also want to modify this entry: “Sure, jealousy is a deadly sin, but you’re already dead!” Lose the exclamation point, and replace “jealousy” with its synonym, “envy,” because envy is one of the seven deadly sins.
As I did, one of you tried to explain why none of the angels has wings: “After three we get the wings.”
These captions presume that the angel with one halo just lost the other one:
- “Have you looked under the sofa?”
- “Did you check under the couch cushions?”
I almost skipped over this entry: “Careful, three strikes and you’re out.” I’m glad I reconsidered it, though, as it goes way beyond merely describing what’s happening in the drawing. It imagines a system that rewards all new angels with three halos, takes these halos away one at a time for unspecified offenses, and eventually condemns those who commit three transgressions to hell.
As (almost) always, I’ll end with several strong captions that don’t fit neatly into any category:
- “There’s always room for improvement.”
- “No, three would be ostentatious.”
- “For now, you just tune the harps.”
- “I think you’re in the wrong breakout group.”
This week’s winner is, “15%? We all tipped 20%.”