Teresa Burns Parkhurst’s drawing is set in a restaurant, where a squirrel and a dog are sitting at a table, sharing a pizza and a bottle of wine. The squirrel, wine glass in its right hand, is speaking.
Assuming the squirrel’s on a first date with the dog, I came up with these four captions:
- “So, what do you do when you’re not barking your head off?”
- “I hope you’re not one of those guys who just enjoys the chase.”
- “I’m not usually attracted to good boys.”
- “I like bad boys, so when your owner scolded you I knew you were my type.”
Now let’s see how you did.
Many entries focused on the fact that dogs chase squirrels:
- “No…it was you who pursued me!”
- “Marriage is nice, but I miss the chase.”
- “You’re right, the thrill was in the chase.”
- “It wasn’t until you stopped chasing me that I realized I wanted to be with you.”
- “So glad I stopped playing hard to get.”
- “If I knew this was what you had in mind, I would have let you catch me sooner.”
- “Something tells me that I’m the first one you’ve actually caught.”
- “Chase down a waiter for me.”
These entries highlight the traditionally antagonistic relationship between dogs and squirrels:
- “We can’t be seen like this in public.”
- “I can’t even remember what we were fighting about.”
I like the way this caption suggests an unexpected reason the relationship between the dog and squirrel might be doomed: “This can never work. I’m gay.”
Several of you noted that dogs are notoriously easy to distract, especially when they see a squirrel:
- “Remember when the sight of me was enough to distract you?”
- “Yes, sorry, go ahead and eat—I don’t mean to distract you.”
- “You seem distracted.”
- “You had me at squirrel!”
As there have been for the past three months, there were a lot of covid-19 jokes. These five focus on the pandemic’s effect on restaurants:
- “It’s kind of cool how we’re saving the restaurant industry.”
- “Prior to COVID, we couldn’t even get a table.”
- “At some point, they’re coming back. And when they do, I’m not giving up my seat.”
- “When do you think the humans are coming back?”
- “I hope they never reopen.”
The squirrel appears to be raising his wine glass to deliver a toast, and several of you imagined what he might be saying:
- “Here’s to COVID-19!”
- “Here’s to a second spike!”
- “To Rocky, who you just couldn’t resist chasing into traffic on the way here.”
- “Could you please wait until I finish the toast?”
I love the way this next entry fits the drawing so well because it acknowledges that the dog looks like he’s in pain: “I told you the cheese was hot.”
Here’s the best sick joke: “That looks like my Uncle Fred—after the semi flattened him.”
And here’s the best sex joke: “Is the collar because you’re domesticated or kinky?”
In some entries the squirrel’s pretentious:
- “The wine has hints of nuts and buried bones.”
- “You call this a Capricciosa?”
In others he’s an enthusiast:
- “You know what would be good on this? Peanut butter.”
- “This pizza is garbage. 5 stars!”
And in still others he’s about to lodge a complaint:
- “I asked for cutlery.”
- “There’s a hair in my food.”
These entries acknowledge that the sight of two animals dining together at a restaurant would draw unwanted attention from the other patrons:
- “I swear that other table’s staring at us again.”
- “Pay no attention, they’re only staring at us because we’re not wearing masks.”
In this caption, the date’s going badly: “Nope. Again, you’re thinking of a chipmunk.”
And here, the squirrel has devised a way to use the dog’s natural talents to skip out on the check: “Hey, if you play dead we may get the meal for free.”
Once again, congratulations on coming up with so many strong entries. The best is, “I can’t even remember what we were fighting about.”
ENTER THIS WEEK’S CAPTION CONTEST
Lawrence Wood has won The New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest a record-setting seven times and been a finalist two other times. He has collaborated with New Yorker cartoonists Peter Kuper, Lila Ash, Felipe Galindo Gomez, and Harry Bliss (until Bliss tossed him aside, as anyone would, to collaborate with Steve Martin). Nine of his collaborations have appeared in The New Yorker, and one is included in the New Yorker Encyclopedia of Cartoons.