This drawing by Phil Witte, who together with Rex Hesner writes the “Anatomy of a Cartoon” feature for this website, is set in a restaurant, where two large turtles are seated at a table. The turtle on the right is addressing the waiter. Judging by his companion’s and the waiter’s expressions, the turtle has said something embarrassing or foolish.
I first made the turtle oblivious:
- “You make a special stew just for turtles?”
- “Is the soup made by or for turtles?”
I then had him ask about portion size: “Is the lettuce leaf large enough to share?”
Because turtles are slow, I came up with this: “We’re trying to make a show next week.”
My final caption is about longevity: “We’re celebrating our 100th anniversary.”
Now let’s see how you did.
I’ll start with the week’s best pun: “Sorry, we’re afraid of tipping.”
There were a lot of references to one of Aesop’s fables, but these were the best:
- “We decided to wait until the hare gets here.”
- “We’ll both have the rabbit stew.”
- “I’ll have the smoked rabbit.”
- “We’ll have the hare.”
- “Is the hare fresh?”
- “How’s the hare?”
So many entries focused on a turtle’s inability to do anything quickly that I had to organize the best by categories.
Some referred to the time needed to order:
- “Can you give us a few more hours to decide?”
- “Sorry, I’m still not ready to order.”
- “I need just a little more time.”
- “We need more time.”
- “We still need more time.”
- “Just give us an hour.”
- “We don’t like being rushed.”
- “Don’t rush me.”
Others referred to the waiter’s speed:
- “Service here is unconscionably fast.”
- “If service is slow, we’re staying.”
- “And could you slow it down?”
- “Please don’t hurry.”
- “No rush.”
I think the first two entries would have been better if “service” were changed to “the service.”
A related entry implies that the waiter is not moving fast enough: “And I thought turtles were slow.”
These entries suggest that the turtles can actually move surprisingly fast:
- “No, really. We’re in a hurry.”
- “We’re in a bit of a rush.”
- “We’re in a hurry.”
These entries, however, imply that the turtles have a very different idea of what fast means:
- “We have to make an eight o’clock show in three days.”
- “We’re in a rush. We’re seeing a play next week.”
The following entry comes at the “turtles are slow” joke from a clever and unexpected angle: “What are tomorrow’s specials?”
Like I did, one of you suggested the turtle doesn’t understand how turtle soup (or stew) got its name: “It’s made by turtles, or for turtles, or what?” My version of the joke is shorter, but I actually prefer this version.
The other “turtle soup” entries suggested the turtle was not so oblivious:
- “In that case, I think we’ll skip the soup.”
- “You’re sure the turtle soup is mock?”
- “We won’t be having the soup.”
That first entry could do without the words “I think.”
Several of you made references to turtles’ unusually long lifespans:
- “We’re celebrating our 150th wedding anniversary.”
- “It’s my 200th birthday.”
The last two entries focus on what turtles eat:
- “We thought the flowers were the appetizer.”
- “What wine pairs well with lettuce?”
Well done. It’s been a while since I’ve highlighted this many (35) entries. This week’s cartoonist used to rate each week’s New Yorker cartoons, so I’d be interested to know what he thinks of your submissions. My favorite is, “It’s made by turtles, or for turtles, or what?”
Lawrence Wood has won The New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest a record-setting seven times and been a finalist four other times. He has collaborated with New Yorker cartoonists Peter Kuper, Lila Ash, Felipe Galindo Gomez, and Harry Bliss (until Bliss tossed him aside, as anyone would, to collaborate with Steve Martin). Nine of his collaborations have appeared in The New Yorker, and one is included in The New Yorker Encyclopedia of Cartoons.