"Demon in the Parking Lot" Caption Contest Commentary with Lawrence Wood

This month we were joined by David Borchart. Unlike his fellow New Yorker cartoonists who think of jokes and then draw them up, David comes up with the drawing first and then tries to think of a fitting caption. In other words, he does what everyone who enters the caption contest is trying to do.

David’s drawing for this month’s contest is set in the parking lot of a large mall. A middle-age woman is transferring bags from her cart into the back of her car and addressing a huge demon who has emerged from the depths of hell to offer her a crown.

When David first submitted this cartoon to The New Yorker, his caption was a little too long and intellectual: “You want the Persephone who shops near Mount Etna in Sicily.” He later resubmitted the drawing with a much simpler and better caption: “Queen of the damned … of the damned what?” Still no sale, though, which is why you all got a chance to caption the drawing.

Some of you suggested the woman was rejecting the demon’s marriage proposal:

“You know how I feel about public marriage proposals.”
“I’m not ready to settle that far down.”
“And give up all this?”
“You’re beneath me.”

Others had her considering it:

“How would you feel about a church wedding?”
“Only if we bring them up Catholic.”
“I won’t have to return my cart?”
“Hold on – what’s the catch?”

That last entry is a fine example of making the speaker oblivious.

Several of you suggested not that the demon was proposing, but that (like David Borchart suggested with his second caption) he was offering the woman an opportunity to rule over the infernal regions:

“I thought my biggest temptation today would be the double fudge.”
“Only if I’m in charge of the thermostat.”
“First tell me why the position is vacant.”
“What are the hours?”

Here’s a joke that Alice Kramden might have made: “Give it to my mother-in-law. I’m sure you know her.”

This is a rare example of a really terrific pun: “I do love a good Faustian bargain.”

And this is an all too common example of a terrible pun that may nevertheless appeal to people who shop at a certain supermarket chain in the Mid-Atlantic and Western regions of the United States: “This doesn’t seem like the Safe Way.”

Here’s another, and much better, entry that refers to a chain of stores: “I’m just here for the bed and bath part.”

This entry suggests that the demon is trying, unsuccessfully, to make a sale: “I can get the same crown for 20% off at Faust’s.” One reason I like that caption is because Faust’s sounds like a department store where my mother used to shop back in the 1970s: Flah’s.

A similar set of captions suggested that the demon is trying to get the woman to sign up for customer rewards: “I don’t join loyalty programs.”

This entry came out of left field—we love that—and suggests that the demon damaged the woman’s car and is trying to convince her not to call insurance: “Next time you ding my car, just leave a note.”

Many of you suggested that the demon is offering to make her Queen of the damned because he recognized something fundamentally evil in her character:

“I’m the only one who doesn’t round up for charity?”
“At least someone appreciates my shoplifting.”
“Is this because I parked in a disabled spot?”
“I didn’t even notice the eleventh item.”

This next entry alludes to both John Milton and Joni Mitchell: “Well, they paved Hell and put in a parking lot.” Another caption that begins with the same word and also refers to paving (I’m guessing it was submitted by the same person) alludes to a famous proverb: “Well, it was paved with good intentions.”

Here are two more strong captions that are so nearly identical they, too, might have come from the same person:

“I’m already in my own personal hell.”
“I’m busy with my own personal hell.”

I like the way this next caption suggests that the demon has introduced himself with a title that’s meant to inspire terror (i.e., Reaper of Souls), but the woman is completely unfazed: “Nice to meet you. I’m Carol, Reaper of Coupons.”

This entry addresses the flames: “You’re melting my ice cream.”

This one suggests the woman can’t accept the demon’s offer because she’s running late and has to get home with her purchases: “I wish you’d asked on my way in.”

And our final entry suggests that the woman’s happy to accept the huge crown if she can just fit it in her car: “Hang on a sec. I’ll move some stuff around.”

Congratulations to MARK STROUT, who won this month’s contest with,

“At least someone appreciates my shoplifting.”

Here are the five runners-up: