This collaboration between David K. Ostow (the cartoonist) and Dan J. Salomon (the idea man) is set in a police station. On the wall is an investigation board covered with push-pins connected by strings. On the floor is a cat in a police uniform who’s playing with the end of one string. A plainclothes detective is saying something about the cat to a uniformed officer.
This contest is especially challenging because the drawing does not need a caption. The sight of a police cat distracted by the string on an investigation board is already funny. Nevertheless, I get paid to suggest captions—not to explain why they’re sometimes unnecessary. Here are my three:
- “How about declawing the police?”
- “I miss the K-9 unit.”
- “Good cop/bad kitty?”
Now let’s see how you did.
Many entries noted that the only animal suited to assist the police is a dog:
- “Whoever heard of a feline division?”
- “Disband the feline unit.”
- “I wish we could afford a K-9 Unit.”
- “Four legs and a tail does not make it a canine.”
- “This never happened with the canine unit.”
- “I really miss the K-9 unit.”
- “Why did we ever get rid of the canine division?”
- “Police dogs, it is.”
A similar set of dog-related entries added a reference to the movement to reallocate funds that are currently used to support police departments:
- “This is what happens when you defund the police dogs.”
- “They defunded the police dogs.”
- “They defunded K9.”
And these two captions focus exclusively on the movement to defund the police:
- “Maybe it’s time to declaw the police.”
- “Time to de-claw the police.”
Each of the next two entries alludes to a different well-known phrase about cats:
- “She also got our primary suspect’s tongue.”
- “His curiosity is killing us.”
The following captions take a line one might hear in a cop show and give it a new and fitting meaning within the context of the drawing:
- “He just goes with his instincts.”
- “He’s a little unorthodox, but he gets results.”
- “Our whole case is unraveling.”
- “I told you the loose ends were going to be a problem.”
- “He hates loose ends.”
- “I told you no loose ends.”
That last caption needs a comma after the word “you.”
Here are the week’s best puns:
- “I’m putting him back on the mice squad.”
- “The last collar he had was for fleas.”
These two entries suggest alternatives to an investigation board that has strings:
- “The captain won’t hear of a slide presentation.”
- “Next time use a magic marker.”
And this caption is for cat-lovers: “I’d have her badge for this, if only I could stay mad at her.”
This week’s winner is, “Maybe it’s time to declaw the police.”
Lawrence Wood has won The New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest a record-setting seven times and been a finalist four other times. He has collaborated with New Yorker cartoonists Peter Kuper, Lila Ash, Felipe Galindo Gomez, and Harry Bliss (until Bliss tossed him aside, as anyone would, to collaborate with Steve Martin). Nine of his collaborations have appeared in The New Yorker, and one is included in The New Yorker Encyclopedia of Cartoons.