In Bob Eckstein’s Halloween-themed cartoon, a woman dressed as a witch is holding a bowl of candy and saying something to a child dressed as the Capitol. A couple pieces of candy have fallen out of the bowl, perhaps to indicate that the woman was truly startled. To the left of the kid dressed as the Capitol is another child who’s wearing a much more traditional ghost costume—a sheet with two eye holes—and running away with his right hand in the air, perhaps indicating that he, too, is scared of the other trick-or-treater.
My first few captions—the most obvious—allude to the idea that a walking reference to such a deeply unpopular Congress would be truly frightening:
- “Very scary.”
- “Much scarier than the ghost.”
- “Jesus! You really scared me.”
My next caption, which also plays on the fact that Congress is unpopular, alludes to a somewhat mean-spirited Halloween tradition: “Aren’t you afraid of getting egged?”
I then made a couple impeachment jokes that highlight our President’s resemblance to pumpkins:
- “I don’t care if it does look the guy you’re trying to impeach. Don’t smash my pumpkin.”
- “I know you like smashing fat orange vegetables, but leave my pumpkin alone.”
I may get criticized me for calling a pumpkin a vegetable when it’s technically a fruit. Nevertheless, pumpkins are (like tomatoes and green peppers) among the fruits that are commonly referred to as or mistaken for vegetables, so calm down. I may also take some heat for mocking the President’s appearance and intellect, but I’m less concerned about that.
Now let’s see how you did.
Here are six improvements on my “scary costume” captions:
- “Well, aren’t you absolutely horrifying.”
- “Bob, come see. This one’s really scary.”
- “Maybe it’s a little too scary.”
- “Haven’t you scared enough people this year?”
- “You get scarier every year.”
- “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
And here are two less appropriate variations on the same joke:
- “You scared the shit out of me.”
- “Jesus…that’s the scariest costume ever!”
The first entry made me laugh out loud, and the second made me feel better about using “Jesus” in one of my captions.
These next two captions highlight the fact that the legislative branch of our current government is still far less frightening than the executive branch:
- “The White House would be scarier.”
- “The kid in the White House is scarier.”
And here are a couple more good digs at the President:
- “Avoid that white house up the street.”
- “There’s a child in the White House, too.”
Speaking of the President, here are the best impeachment jokes:
- “Start impeachment proceedings, and this whole bowl is yours.”
- “You’re at the wrong house.”
And here are two terrific entries that allude to both the woman’s costume and the President’s disparaging term for the impeachment proceedings:
- “Is this some type of witch hunt?”
- “Another witch hunt?”
The next set of entries acknowledge that Congress is not so much scary as it is deeply unpopular:
- “You get a rock.”
- “You look deplorable.”
- “And I thought the last kids costume was disappointing.”
- “I’ll be right back with some rat poison.”
- “Booooooooo!”
Many of your entries suggested that Congress is unpopular because it accomplishes too little:
- “How’d you get here? McConnell usually blocks you from getting anywhere.”
- “I want to be scared, but I know you won’t do anything.”
- “How can you be so scary without doing anything?”
- “What’s your trick? Doing nothing?”
Or taxes too much:
- “Haven’t you taken enough from me?”
- “No, you can’t have it all.”
- “You want my candy, too?”
- “All my candy and the bowl?”
- “You keep coming back for more.”
- “I gave you yours on April 15.”
- “It’s ‘Trick or Treat.’ Not ‘Tax day.’”
Or is hypocritical:
- “I don’t believe in government handouts.”
- “I thought you hated handouts.”
Or is too conservative: “Would you like chocolate, caramel, or my reproductive rights?”
This next entry probably belongs in the set of “taxes” captions that appears above, but it deserves special recognition for cleverly addressing the child in the ghost costume: “First death, now taxes.”
Here’s a pun I both dislike and admire: “I’m not gonna fill it, buster.”
Finally, here are five strong captions that don’t fit neatly into any category:
- “If the real Senate were only so easy to please.”
- “I assume you’re not allergic to nuts.”
- “Not and, honey…it’s trick or treat.”
- “No, you may not have a piece of candy for every member.”
- “Who said a house divided couldn’t stand?”
You all keep getting better at this, and I now have to choose a winner from forty-two really strong entries. My choice is, “There’s a child in the White House, too.”