In Maddie Dai’s drawing, a couple is sitting together having tea while surrounded by barrels of oil. The man is checking his phone and saying something to his wife.
I first assumed this was a reference to the reduced demand for oil (a consequence of the pandemic) that has forced companies like Exxon and Mobil to get creative when storing the growing surplus. Maybe the couple has tried to capitalize on this situation by turning their home into a storage center and charging the oil companies exorbitant fees. But maybe the husband just received bad news, at least for them: “The pandemic reduces the demand for oil, Exxon pays us to store the surplus, and…dammit, there’s a vaccine.”
I then imagined that the oil was an investment:
- “Gold is fine, but I prefer liquid assets.”
- “Dammit, the price of oil keeps falling.”
Now let’s see how you did:
A couple of you had the man telling his wife she should not be surprised by the number of barrels:
- “You knew I was a collector when you married me.”
- “You knew I was a hoarder when you married me.”
Another one of you had the husband getting defensive: “I didn’t mock you when you stocked up on toilet paper.”
Here’s another TP joke: “This guy will trade us sixty rolls for a barrel of oil.”
Many of you suggested that the oil barrels were an investment. Some of you made the husband optimistic about his prospects:
- “Just be glad I didn’t invest in pork bellies.”
- “I thought our retirement savings should be more liquid.”
- “It’ll be a seller’s market any day now.”
- “And now we play the waiting game.”
- “Let me check the price of oil today.”
- “It will all make sense when the price goes back up.”
While others imagined him regretting his decision:
- “I always thought cornering the oil market would be more exciting.”
- “Next time maybe we should invest in mutual funds.”
- “I really don’t understand the futures market.”
- “Every aspiring futures trader makes mistakes.”
- “It’s possible I got too excited about the futures.”
- “Why did everybody choose now to go solar?”
- “Turns out there are easier ways to invest in oil.”
- “Last time I invest in oil.”
- “Never invest in oil before a pandemic.”
I like how that last caption addresses the pandemic’s effect on the demand for, and thus the price of, oil.
Here are a couple of references to this country’s largest oil-producing state:
- “I’m never playing the Texas lottery again.”
- “What’s a three-letter word for Texas tea?”
Here’s a reference to the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries: “OPEC denied our membership request.” However, this entry suggests that the couple is trying to rely less on those countries: “How does it feel to be energy independent?”
The week’s best pun works especially well because one of the barrels is on its side: “Drum roll, please.”
But the best Marie Kondo joke—“Do these barrels give you joy?”—would be better if the words “give you” were replaced with the word “spark.”
The week’s best sick joke is a reference, I believe, to the Barrel Girls’ Gang from Season 5 of HBO’s “Dexter.” The members of this gang murdered women and disposed of their bodies in oil barrels, and I never thought I would find anything about that amusing until I saw this entry: “Did I ever tell you about my previous wives?”
Two of you addressed the oil’s flammable properties:
- “Your mother is inviting you to lunch and giving me some matches.”
- “This is a helluva way to get me to give up smoking in the house.”
This may seem both harsh and unfair, but I don’t like the word “helluva.” It’s too cute, and I dislike cute humor.
I also dislike the word “dang”—just say “damn” or dammit”—but aside from that one word, I do like this caption: “Dang. They wanted us to age the whisky in oak.”
As long as I’m being so critical, I’ll address this entry: “Do we have enough oil for the Chanukah lights and latkes?” I like the concept, but most people don’t use oil to light the candles, and the word “oil” is unnecessary. I’d therefore suggest this shorter version: “Do we have enough for the latkes?”
Like I did, one of you alluded to the fact that oil producers are, during the pandemic, having a hard time finding enough storage space for their surplus supplies: “The Saudis are asking if we have room for a few million more.”
This entry explains why the man purchased so many barrels: “We saved three cents a gallon buying in bulk.”
While this entry implies that he ended up with them by mistake: “I should’ve checked before confirming my order.”
This caption suggests that the barrels contain something far worse than oil: “Toxic waste stock is down again.”
While this caption presumes that the barrels are not for storage at all: “I can’t sell a vintage depth charge to save my life.”
Finally, here are three strong captions that don’t fit into any particular category:
- “You know someone with the initials BP?”
- “We can get another barrel if we sell the chairs.”
- “Ok, now let’s find something to fill them with.”
This week’s winner is, “What’s a three-letter word for Texas tea?”
ENTER THIS WEEK’S CAPTION CONTEST
Lawrence Wood has won The New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest a record-setting seven times and been a finalist two other times. He has collaborated with New Yorker cartoonists Peter Kuper, Lila Ash, Felipe Galindo Gomez, and Harry Bliss (until Bliss tossed him aside, as anyone would, to collaborate with Steve Martin). Nine of his collaborations have appeared in The New Yorker, and one is included in the New Yorker Encyclopedia of Cartoons.