Ellis Rosen’s drawing is set on a tree branch, where an old bird is talking to a young squirrel. The bird is sitting in a comfortable chair with an afghan on its lap and a couple pillows providing additional support for its back and neck. (Is the bird sick? Elderly? Both?) To the bird’s left is a small table with a teapot and a candle. A few more candles are burning at the foot of the chair, and a string of lights is wrapped around a smaller branch that extends out diagonally from the branch on which the bird is sitting.
I first imagined the bird explaining why she has survived longer than most squirrels:
- “I lived this long by flying across the street.”
- “I lived this long by flying above traffic.”
I next imagined the squirrel was the bird’s adopted son:
- “Who said I’m not your mother?”
- “I’m your mother because I raised you.”
- “Well, no, not your biological mother.”
- “You’re adopted.”
I then had the bird explaining why she no longer lived in a traditional nest: “Twigs are less comfortable and more flammable.” That’s my only caption that even remotely alludes to all the candles.
Because the bird looks sick, I made this fairly obvious joke: “Don’t worry. This is bird flu.”
Finally, I made a reference to a particular type of squirrel: “It’s adorable that you call that flying.”
Now let’s see how you did:
I’ll start with the best of the pandemic captions:
- “Well, do you remember that bat I was dating?”
- “Well with no people to poop on I decided to take it easy for awhile.”
That second caption needs a comma after the first word, and “awhile’ should be two words.
There were a lot of adoption entries. Here are the best:
- “It’s time I explained why you look so different from your father and me.”
- “Your mother and I have something to tell you.”
- “What makes you think you were adopted?”
- “Son…you’re adopted.”
- “You’re adopted.”
Here’s a better version of the longevity joke I made: “The secret to a long life? Fly over highways.” This next caption, which implies that the bird is recovering from an illness, also alludes to the danger that cars pose to squirrels: “Watch out. It sneaks up on you like a Prius.”
Here are this week’s best puns:
- “I hope you don’t think I’m a nut.”
- “Don’t look at me like I’m nuts.”
- “I love the creature comforts.”
- “What branch are you from?”
- “I like the sound of grub hub.”
As I did, one of you made a reference to a particular type of squirrel: “When I was your age I once dated a flying squirrel.”
And several of you made a reference to a particular type of flu:
- “I am sure that someday there will be a squirrel flu.”
- “At first I thought it was bird flu.”
- “Avian flu.”
Here’s a terrific reference to a squirrel’s short lifespan (typically 11-12 months in the wild): “And that was how your grandparents met two years ago.”
I didn’t know squirrels eat bird eggs, but apparently they do, and that newly discovered information has enhanced my appreciation of this wonderfully dark caption: “Been pretty quiet around here since you ate my young.”
As always, I’ll end with several strong captions that don’t fit neatly into any category:
- “Have her home by ten. And you should know her father is not happy.”
- “With all of this, why fly South?”
- “I always drink a little honey lemon tea before I sing.”
- “You’re blocking the television.”
- “Draw me a warm bird bath.”
- “Are fight or flight my only options?”
- “It’s just nice to disconnect from nature sometimes.”
This week’s winner is, “Watch out. It sneaks up on you like a Prius.”