New Yorker cartoonist Farley Katz submitted the drawing for this month’s caption contest. Unfortunately, he wasn’t available to help us judge the entries because he was promoting his upcoming graphic novel, “UNALIVE THE BILLIONAIRE$.” I haven’t seen it yet, but based on Katz’s past work I’m assuming it’s dark and brilliant and funny. Timely, too.
His drawing is set in a recording studio, where a rap artist is holding a cat and saying something to the recording engineer. Katz’s original caption was, “This rap goes out to my people with so much anxiety they need a service animal.”
On a recent Cartoon Caption Contest podcast, Vin Coca said this set-up would elicit many variations on two jokes. He didn’t get specific, but I’m guessing he was thinking of jokes based on the double-meanings of the words “scratch” and “pussy.”
Here are the best scratch jokes:
- “We’re ready to lay down the scratch track.”
- “Do you have any vinyl he can scratch?”
- “Which one of us sounds scratchy?”
- “Less scratching.”
- “Too scratchy?”
And here are the best pussy jokes:
- “The other rappers are constantly talking about these.”
- “When you’re a star, they let you grab ’em.”
We appreciated the fact that both of those entries allude to the vulgar term without actually using it, and Bob especially liked the way the second caption mocked the President-elect. I’m not looking forward to reviewing four more years of Trump jokes, but that’s the least of our worries when it comes to the new administration.
For nostalgic reasons, I love this entry: “It sounds too much like Yoko.” I believe that’s a reference to a 1972 episode of The Mike Douglas Show, when John Lennon and Yoko Ono joined Chuck Berry to perform “Memphis, Tennessee.” Yoko, who was standing behind Berry, let loose with one of her high-pitched screams, which sounded like a dying cat, and Berry’s eyes flew open in shock. You can find a clip of the performance on YouTube, and it’s worth watching.
Many of this month’s best entries alluded to common feline behaviors, including their tendency to:
Treat people with disdain:
- “She wants to call the album, “Ignore you to death.’”
- “What rhymes with ‘aloof?’”
Chase things:
- “Give the recording light another jiggle.”
- “Let’s bring in the strings.”
And hate dogs:
- “Please don’t use the woofer.”
- “This one’s about fighting with bitches.”
That last entry is especially good, as it manages to address not only the antagonistic relationship between felines and canines but the controversial nature of rap songs with violent and misogynistic lyrics.
The next caption alludes to the fact that cats love to jump on surfaces where they don’t belong: “This one’s called get the f@$k off the counter.”
I’d like that entry even better if the person who submitted it spelled out the word “fuck.” CartoonStock is not The New Yorker (though we use the same cartoonists), and we welcome the use of profanity as long as it’s not employed solely for its shock value.
This next caption combines a reference to alley cats with the idea that rap artists must establish their credibility as former thugs to succeed: “He’s inspired by the time he spent on the streets.”
Speaking of which, here’s the month’s best reference to Christopher George Latore Wallace: “The Notorious C.A.T.”
And here’s the best reference to Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr.: “Snoop Dog was taken.” I think he spells his name with two “g’s,” though.
Here’s the best reference to “Pop A Cap in Yo’ Ass,” which was written by Ben Watt, formerly (and perhaps surprisingly) half of the British duo, “Everything but the Girl”: “I’m about to prop a cat on yo’ glass.”
I don’t like captions that suggest one person has misheard another, but we received a lot of those jokes and these are probably the best:
- “Nah man, I never said I was bringing my posse.”
- “I thought you said ‘hiss track.’”
- “Posse. I said get my posse.”
I also don’t like puns, but my fellow judges appreciated these three:
- “Now, let’s try the Meow Mix.”
- “She wants to do a hiss track.”
- “This is my new hiss track.”
Here’s a clever reference to the importance of social media in the music business and the popularity of cat videos: “I’m trying to go viral.” Bob thinks that entry is outdated because cat videos are no longer popular. I reminded Bob that, in the HBO Documentary “Very Semi-Serious,” he joked that his assistant Marc Philippe Eskenazi wasted a lot of time watching cat videos when he [Marc] should have been reviewing caption contest entries. Bob responded that the documentary is ten years old. Never try to win an argument with Bob. It can’t be done.
Finally, here are two entries for people who think cats are cute:
- “Let’s put this on the cover and re-release it as a children’s album.”
- “I’m trying to give a softer image to gangsta rap.”
Congratulations to KATHY WROBEL, of East Hartland, Connecticut, who submitted this month’s winning caption: “This one’s about fighting with bitches.” Kathy’s having a great month. Just last week she won The New Yorker’s cartoon caption contest: 
I hope she spends most of her winnings on copies of my book, “Your Caption Has Been Selected—More Than Anyone Could Possibly Want To Know About The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest.
The five runners-up for this month’s contest are:
- “She wants to call the album, “Ignore you to death.’”
- “This one’s called get the f@$k off the counter.”
- “He’s inspired by the time he spent on the streets.”
- “When you’re a star, they let you grab ’em.”
- “Too scratchy?”
If you want to see how we made our selections, we recorded the process and posted it on our YouTube Channel.