Robert Leighton has drawn a scene from an elementary school play. A teacher/director is backstage addressing two students who are dressed as an apple and a banana. Another student, dressed as a slice of bread, is on stage performing for the audience.
I initially assumed the teacher was trying to answer the traditional actor’s question about the character’s motivation: “You’re fruit. You don’t have motivation.”
I then focused on the student who’s dressed as a slice of bread:
- “No one wants to follow sliced bread.”
- “His act is getting stale.”
Finally, I went scatalogical, which seemed appropriate given the age of the actors: “I wish you’d thought of that before you got into those outfits.”
Now let’s see how you did:
Several of you alluded to the kid in the bread costume:
- “Your costumes are the greatest thing since sliced bread.”
- “Don’t worry. His act is getting stale.”
- “We just can’t compete with carbs.”
- “Sorry. Nothing’s better than sliced bread.”
Like I did, a few of you made fun of actors who worry too much about their motivation:
- “Your motivation? You haven’t got any motivation. You’re fruit!”
- “Your motivation? Graduating to 3rd grade.”
I’d like the first caption a lot better without the explanation point.
A few similar captions mock pretentious thespians:
- “Forget Stanislavski. Just remember the damn lines.”
- “Phallic symbol? Creation myth? You’re both reading too much into this.”
- “Maybe we can do ‘Oh, Calcutta’ next year. This year we’re doing ‘The Friendly Food Groups.’”
Several of you made fun of President Trump’s aversion to healthy foods:
- “The president is in the audience tonight so you’ve been replaced by a hamburger and large fry.”
- “You’ve been replaced by a hamburger and a bag of fries, the president is here.”
- “Yes, I know the president’s here tonight, but if you go out there you’ll just frighten and confuse him.”
The first caption could do without the word “tonight,” and “fry” should be “fries.” And in the second caption, the words “a bag of” are unnecessary and the comma should be replaced by a period. The third caption works best, but congratulations to all three entrants for putting a surprisingly topical spin on the cartoon.
Here are the best of the scatological captions:
- “I wish you had thought about that before you got in costume.”
- “What do you mean…You don’t have to go to the bathroom any more?”
- “Who cut the Cheese?”
And here are just two of the many dirty jokes, about which I feel somewhat uncomfortable given the tender age of the characters in the cartoon:
- “Now I see why you’re popular with the girls.”
- “Point it down.”
I like the next two captions, which connect the fruit to a particular acting style:
- “Can you be more organic?”
- “The script says you’re organic, so act condescending.”
But the best captions this week are:
- “I’m still a bit surprised we made it to Broadway.”
- “Where’s our starfruit?”
Since there can be only one winner, and because the first caption is too long—the words “a bit” serve no purpose and the line would be punchier without them—I’m going with the pun: “Where’s our starfruit?”