Teresa Burns Parkhurst has created a cartoon for our times. It’s set in a kitchen, where a man is preparing a salad and saying something to a woman who’s in a hazmat suit and preparing the entrée.
The “Stay Home, Save Lives” campaign (which is being heavily promoted in Chicago, where I live) discourages people from venturing outside unless they’re wearing protective gear. That made me think of this caption: “I hope you’re not disappointed. I know you wanted to go out.”
Even if you do go out, you can’t eat at a restaurant because they’re all closed, so I considered this: “All dressed up and nowhere to go.”
This next caption assumes the woman has suggested changing into something more alluring: “Well, I can’t imagine your slipping into something less comfortable.”
And here’s a caption based on my own life. My office is closed so I’ve been working from home and enjoying not only the time I save by not commuting but the fact that there’s significantly less to do. For the first time in years I’m not working late or on weekends, so I’ve been watching TV (“Watchmen,” “Veep,” “The Plot Against America”), reading (“True Grit” short stories by William Trevor, John Lewis’s “March”), and sleeping in. A week ago my wife interrupted this reverie by encouraging me to do something I really didn’t want to do, and I said, “Can’t you just let me enjoy the pandemic?”
Now let’s see how you did.
Since the couple appear to be on a date, several of you submitted sex jokes:
- “So are we still having sex later?”
- “Does that outfit come in black vinyl?”
- “Perhaps I could rub some disinfectant on your back later?”
This next entry focuses on the fact that the man is making a salad: “Would you like Three Mile Island dressing on your salad?” That’s a clever pun, but it buries the punch line by adding three unnecessary words at the end. Here’s a better salad dressing joke: “Ranch, Italian, or Purell?”
This is a fitting variation on a phrase that we’ve all heard a lot during the past few weeks: “You seem socially distant.”
Every cartoon that features a woman wearing an unusual outfit elicits a lot of “Does this make me look fat?” jokes, and I usually don’t care for them, but these three work well with the drawing:
- “No, it doesn’t make you look fat.”
- “Well, yes, it does make you look fat.”
- “Yes, it does make your ass look big.”
For selfish and obvious reasons I like this caption: “All dressed up and nowhere to go.” But here are more clever variations on the idea that you can’t go outside now without protective gear:
- “Are you going out?”
- “How was your walk?”
Here, as a kind of palate cleanser, are a couple entries that have nothing to do with Covid-19:
- “You look positively radiant tonight.”
- “Do you mind slicing the onions?”
In this entry, the man selfishly appreciates the woman’s effort to protect herself: “The great thing is, only one of us has to wear the suit for both of us to be protected.”
But in this next set of entries he’s undermined that effort:
- “When would be a good time to reveal that I may have used your toothbrush?”
- “I hope you don’t mind, but I used your toothbrush.”
- “I accidentally wore that inside-out on the subway yesterday.”
While in these entries he’s completely oblivious to it:
- “Hope you washed your hands first.”
- “Did you wash your hands?”
And in these entries he appears to think the woman is overreacting to the pandemic:
- “Last week you would’ve just said gesundheit.”
- “Where’s that devil-may-care girl I married?”
Finally, we have an innocuous statement that takes on a different and clever meaning in the context of the drawing: “Don’t worry, I’ll be dressed before the guests arrive.”
That’s good, but the entry that actually made me laugh this week is, “I accidentally wore that inside-out on the subway yesterday.”
Stay safe, everyone.